The Daniel Daniel Transcripts: A Trilogy of Creepy Hilarity – Part 2

I hope that you all have been on the edge of your seats waiting for the second installment of my voicemail saga.  In this episode we find out how he got to my voicemail by mistake to begin with, and that not only had he applied for a job in my office previously – but he will continue to seek employment with us.
After I had listened to the original voicemail a few times and forwarded it to a few people in the office, I made my way over to my friend’s desk to get his take on what he had heard.  I expected a good reaction from him, but instead I got something even better.  Another voicemail.
My friend was doing the hiring in my office at the time and he had me listen to a voicemail from a prospective new hire.  Here is that voicemail typed out exactly as it was spoken (with a few names changed to protect the innocent and a few notes to help everything make sense):

Episode II……

“Yeah, I, ah, met you a few years ago, ah, about two years ago actually, I, it seems longer but um, here in your (M*****) office. I met someone, I, maybe I met you at the job fair at Ramapo College, ah, in Mahwah, two years ago, ah, it was april or may, two years ago, now it’s July, well we’re well into July. And something happened that I had gone to your superior, ah, several months later, ah, followed up, and I was very upset, because you know, when you come for a job interview I’m sure that you’re the person I remember now that I remember, cause I pushed in the name first name (Colorsinthevoid)

 
– He then proceeded to spell out the name.

and I didn’t know that your’s was (Kolorsinthevoid)

– He then spelled out that name.

I tried that, calling on Saturday.

At this point we realized that he had called earlier in the day and used the spell by name directory on our phone system.  He typed in my name instead of the person who he was trying to get.  When he got my voicemail, instead of hanging up the phone – he left me the message that I have posted in Part 1 of this Creepy Trilogy.
He continued.

Um, I haven’t called in quite some time, and I didn’t know if you were still here, but you, ah, ya know,  took my application for a position and there seemed to be some, ah, I don’t like the word friction you seemed to create some      mythical, ah, ah, ah, for lack of a better word, problem that didn’t exist, I’m, aye, you had said that I didn’t want to send a resume, not true at all. I sometimes run low on them, but in a worst case situation I could always photocopy them or what have you, ah, so that’s never a problem. I never refused. I would NEVER, just not, not send it, ah, that’s true, I might have been somewhat reluctant because I had filled out an employment application of the company, and I didn’t know whether, ya know, it was, ah, all that necessary , but to say that, ya know, that I’m this and I’m that and making a whole issue over minor things creating, ya know, making mountains out of mole hills, isn’t fair and right, and I went over your head and I want to just see now, um, what the situation is, I mean, ya know, I don’t know what kind of a job it was, and there was training up in Syracuse as I recall, ah, New York, and and um, ah,  ya know, I don’t know what the position was , I remember it was an hourly rate of pay, but I mean my, my  concern is um, is that, ya know just ah, seem to be, ya know making judgements about someone you don’t really know. I saw you once there and once here in your office in, ah, Woodcliff Lake, in this building here and that was it, and you were prejudging me, and I don’t think that’s fair at all, I REALLY, REALLY don’t. I think it’s it’s terrible of you to do that, and, ya know, you, I thought that you were nice fellow and all that and, ah, and and  whatever but, ya know, when you try to create a situation over a nothing, your making something out of nothing, I’m still, I’m not gonna’ give up, I’m gonna come back here I’m gonna reapply and I’m going, and and. Well I’ll call back on Monday, I don’t have any more time, my name is Dan and, ah, I eee ah you’ll hear from me, I don’t  know what time Monday but it will be later on in the day, got to go out. Okay, thanks a lot bye-bye for now. That’s the end of the recording.

You would think that would have been a long enough message for our new friend – who waited until the very end to leave only his first name, and no return phone number.  If he wanted us to hire him he should have left his last name and a number to call him back on.  That would all change with a third voicemail that he would leave for my friend later in the day on Monday.  But that is for another day.
Okay, thanks a lot bye-bye for now.  That’s the end of today’s blog.

The Daniel Daniel Transcripts: A Trilogy of Creepy Hilarity – Part 1

Approximately 10 years ago I came into the office on a Monday morning and had a voicemail waiting for me on my phone.  It was the best, most disturbing, funniest voicemail I had ever heard.  I listened to it over and over again.  Laughing harder each time I heard it.  I assumed that it was one of my coworkers playing a joke on me.  In the days before Internet, one of our main sources of entertainment was our voicemail system.  We would leave nonsense voicemails for each other, forward blank voicemails, Meow like cats into the phone, just anything to pass the time and make each other laugh.

What you are about to read is that voicemail.  Transcribed verbatim.  Every single – “um” and “ah” are typed out exactly as it was spoken.  This is the first of three voicemails that were left by the same man.  A man who will forever live in infamy with anyone who ever heard the original message.    

Episode I……

 “You got a real sexy voice man, I mean, ah, not too may guys, ah, sound as sexy as you. You’re my type of guy. I love men boys and, ya know, ah, I love, ah, guys like you, and,  I really could get into it but I don’t know if I should. You sound like you would be a nice nudist, nice gay nudist. Ah, you sound really hot,  you really get me going honey.”

Funny?  Kind of.  Creepy?  Uh, yeah most definately.  I laughed, and everyone who listened to the message laughed.  The only problem was that I couldn’t figure out who actually left me the message.  It turned out the it was not left by any of my coworkers, or friends.  It was left by a man who was attempting to gain employment in my office.  A man who had interviewed in my office before.  A man who would call back – leave more rambling messages and help us piece together one of the most comical incidents in office history.

Together, we will relive the next two voicemails.  And like when the Simpsons ended Season 6 with “Who Shot Mr. Burns?” you are going to have to wait not one, but two more posts to finally get closure.  Until then, please remember that even though I have a real sexy voice, I would definaitely not make a nice gay nudist.

A very special thank you to my coworker “The Birdman” for taking the time to painstakingly type this out many years ago.